"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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