Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize