Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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