I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
