I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize