you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
