I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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