I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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