Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
