I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
