Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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