a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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