last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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