today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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