Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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