shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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