I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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