News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
