I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
