I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
