For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
