im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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