Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
