Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
