Plan B is the new Plan A
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
