How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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