I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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