can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
