And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
