been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
