it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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