The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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