He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
