Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
