he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
