it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
too bad you live with your parents still
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
