Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
