No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
