I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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