i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
