i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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