Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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