im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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