I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
