just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
