just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize