She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
