I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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