Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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