So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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