i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize