will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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