he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
