Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
