Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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