it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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