Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
