Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
