We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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