My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
