can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
