Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize