I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
