you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
