please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
