i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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