saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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