You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
