matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
