You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
