just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
