i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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