Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
