Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
