wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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