hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
