When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
