we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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