where does the pee come out of this thing
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My vagina is officially offended.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
