Non-Jews are for practice
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
