I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize