I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
