My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
MIDGETS
????
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
