Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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