a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
