Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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