You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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