rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
