Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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