He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
