It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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