I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
