will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
