In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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