What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
