can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
