you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
