he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
