Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
