Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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