your parents love me but you hate me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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