Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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