i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
