I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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