His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
